Tonight, in a handful of Nebraska towns, veterans are getting together for something called a Buddy Check. The Nebraska Department of Veterans' Affairs keeps a list of them: a VFW post, an American Legion post, a vets club, a park shelter near a veterans memorial garden. Most of them meet on the 22nd of every month. As far as I can tell, there's no big program. The point is showing up for each other.
I came across that list this week and it stuck with me, because it's about the simplest idea there is, and it's still one of the easiest things to let slide.
What a buddy check actually is
VA's "Don't Wait. Reach Out." campaign describes a buddy check as a simple act of outreach from one veteran to another: "a text, a call, an offer to meet up." Congress created an annual Veteran Buddy Check Week, which ran September 21 to 25 this year, but VA is clear that you don't need to wait for a special week, or for a crisis, to check in. You also don't need to have all the answers.
If you're the type who stares at your phone trying to figure out what to say, VA even offers a few openers: "Just wanted to check in." "How's it been going lately?" "Do you need anything?" That's it. No speech required.
Why it matters to me
I served in the Marine Corps from 2014 to 2018 as an Airborne and Air Delivery Specialist. In the Corps you're almost never on your own. Someone always knows where you are, how you're doing, and whether you showed up. When you get out, that structure goes away pretty much overnight. The people who knew you best end up scattered across the country, busy with new jobs, families and their own transitions. Nobody's doing a head count anymore.
It's easy to think of a Marine you served with and tell yourself you'll call him this weekend. Then the weekend comes and goes. In my experience, the call is rarely as awkward as you expect, and it usually means more to both people than either one will say out loud.
The water helps
That's a big part of why The Calm Seas Project exists. I started it in Jacksonville with friends from college who supported veterans and wanted to keep giving back. A day of fishing is really just a buddy check with more time built in. Nobody has to sit across a table and talk about their feelings. The lines are out, the boat's rocking a little, and the conversation comes when it comes. Our next trip is the veterans fishing weekend in Jacksonville, Nov. 6 to 8.
Make one call this week
My ask is small. Pick one person you served with who you haven't talked to in a while, and send a text tonight. If you want to get better at it, VA's buddy check page has a short peer wellness training video and a list of signs that someone may be struggling, like trouble sleeping, more anger or hopelessness, or using alcohol or drugs in unhealthy ways.
If a conversation turns serious, you don't have to handle it alone. The Veterans Crisis Line is free, confidential and open 24/7: dial 988 then press 1, text 838255, or chat online. You don't have to be enrolled in VA benefits or health care to reach it.
One more thing from VA's page that I appreciate: checking in goes both ways. Give yourself the same care you'd give a buddy.
Semper Fi.
Sources: VA, Don't Wait. Reach Out.: For Veterans Helping Veterans (Buddy Check) · Nebraska Department of Veterans' Affairs: Buddy Check · Veterans Crisis Line
